your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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