my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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