Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
