Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I AM VODKA MAN
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
did i just pee glitter
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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