I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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