Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
