Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
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She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
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I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize