On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
