Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
