I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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