Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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