She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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