Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
