Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
