You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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