Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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