ADVERTISEMENT

• (256): View more from Alabama

  So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.

  (256): View more from Alabama

  that was the beginning of the end.

  Fav 23 932 3781

  share tweet
  

• (224): View more from Illinois

  It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!

  Fav 47 5379 1060

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (951): View more from California

  better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???

  Fav 14 6394 1113

  share tweet
  

• (614): View more from Ohio

  I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

  Fav 20 2951 5503

  share tweet
  

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend

  Fav 5 2918 1032

  share tweet
  

• (254): View more from Texas

  What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?

  Fav 11 1937 732

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.

  Fav 0 1186 810

  share tweet
  

• (760): View more from California

  Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly

  Fav 3 1126 700

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing

  Fav 1 1069 633

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.

  Fav 3 476 694

  share tweet
  

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"

  Fav 1 509 593

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (905): View more from Ontario

  not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now

  Fav 1 598 322

  share tweet
  

• (708): View more from Illinois

  hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?

  Fav 0 29 8

  share tweet
  

• (602): View more from Arizona

  Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??

  Fav 0 10 20

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (716): View more from New York

  Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.

  Fav 0 57 6

  share tweet
  

Randomize