best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
