I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
