Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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