There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
