i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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