She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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