Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
