If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
