ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
