Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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