just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
