Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
third nipple confirmed
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
