I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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