he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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