i need an iv and a liver transplant
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
