if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
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You can't just leave with hair like that
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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