It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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