i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
