hotel room ftw
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
