That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
