he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
