batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
