I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
