I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
