I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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