I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
