onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
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Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
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I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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