Just cropdusted the office
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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