I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
