The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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