please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
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Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
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I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me