He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just blew my weed a kiss
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"