Fuck appropriateness.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
