What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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