dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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