I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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