These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
