God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
