so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
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