Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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