my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
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I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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