After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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