I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
