I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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