Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
