you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
