The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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