Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
