Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
