we're chasing vodka with high fives
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
