I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
