i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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