I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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