Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
