Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That was before I lit my hair on fire
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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