We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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