Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
