Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
