His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Houston, we have a blender
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
