Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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