Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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