I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
