i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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